imagine nice things i might say

do i identify /with/ chihiro or do i identify /as/ chihiro
we just dont fucking know.

_{and lmao we never will. i dont want to examine my identity anymore bc itll just make people mad and itll make me feel like im copying everybody else, so man fuck whatever}

i dont want to studyyyyyyyyy
id study first hour but im supposed to take my one soc test first hour
and then i have my bio test {i emailed my teacher about if he wants me to take the chapter five test or the chapter six test tomorrow} second hour
third hour i dont have anything. well i have class but not a test
fourth hour is my test on greek literature {which is the one im not studying for}
and then fifth hour i have my other soc test
idk i might go in before school and tell my soc teacher ill take the test sixth hour instead????
that gives me first hour to study more {though i am going to study now sighs} {im also probably going to study during lunch}

but okay my???? quarter three grades should be Good. once i turn in stuff for sociology and world lit my grade'll go up. and i have that test and project for bio but im just going to take the test tomorrow so its not so late. but i think once i turn the things in the grades that are down should go up. {well sociology doesnt technically have a grade rn. and my bio grade is good. my world lit grade isnt atm but thats bc theres only like three things in the 80% category. and before today i'd only turned in one of them. {i turned in another today but he hasnt graded it. and hopefully he'll let me email him the film review thing during spring break or s/t}}.

ok ok ok ok ok

like i dont want to actually kill myself
i just want to die
there is a difference because i have no guts to kill myself i couldnt do it
i would rather die in a way i couldnt control and didnt cause because then i would be less of a fuck up and disappointment

man like i keep wanting to post things here
but im never sure what to actually post bc like???? i already post everything on tumblr
and i dont want to be that person whos always like???? posting everything on everything u know??

dang i just dont know what to talk about
id talk about like, therapy but theres not really anything interesting to say. i like my therapist though, even though sometimes she frustrates me {shes always asking why i dont have friends in wisconsin and its like well???? maybe bc they all suck and all of my friends that live elsewhere are like 10x better than any friends ive had in wisconsin}. but shes p understanding and stuff {today i talked a bit about genderstuff and she tried to understand. she even asked my preferred name and pronouns and i didnt feel like she was judging me. i dont know if she'll call me cypress or they but hey.}. i also talked a lot about friends. i like talking about my friends. she said i seem calmer when i talk about my friends. {shes also constantly telling me how feisty i am}.

i want to take a bath and chill and stuff but maybe i shouldnt do that today i should do my homework.

tomorrow i am going to be cute as hell though. everybody will be in awe of how cute i am.

i think im going to go draw some more.